It's nice to be nice, granted. But how do you deal with the inevitable souls who will recognize your propensity to be nice and selfishly take advantage of it, knowing you'll be nice about it and have to let them? I've been taken advantage of far too often because of my inclinations to do what's right, even though I know it won't be fully appreciated or acknowledged. I try to mitigate it, and only do what has to be done when I know I'm dealing with such a sort, but, it is still a quandary that I don't see ending any time soon. It's just not nice.
Ted - please keep going. And, this needs to be a podcast. I can say this out loud ... I have worked at places where I sincerely talk about the team and bringing the best out in each other. As someone who was a first time grip, parking PA, runner, office PA, assistant to multiple different kinds of people. I keep saying - maybe I’m naive and my quixotic self - there is “the business” and there is “making movies.” To me, they should be looked at separately. I have shouted down by directors producers actors reps - because I called them out for their blatant mistreatment, abusive, entitled venting on someone who just wants to see a camera roll. One day, as we all do, assistants of all kinds make mistakes. On an unmentioned movie, I PA - driver was picking up a very cantankerous actor. The driver was terribly nervous, made a wrong turn, and the last 20 mins of the drive was the actor screaming calling this young man an “incompetent asshole who better never speak to him again.” This guy - tall, strong - came to me in tears and handed me the badge that gave him access to the set. He said “I don’t deserve to work on this film. I made an actor very angry. It is inexcusable and I expect to be fired.” I handed him back his badge and said “Unless you’re quitting, take a deep breath, and let’s get back to making a movie.” He was shocked . I’m not fired? I hugged him and said - you made a mistake. You didn’t oversleep. You weren’t careless. And, this entitled jerk feels he’s “someone” because hes a known actor. Bullshit. I told the guy, I would be very upset if he let our whole crew down by leaving us. It was then time to check in on the actor - who decided to dress me down and tell me to learn how to hire competent people. Part of his rant, I could not understand because he was screaming and spitting with rage. The 2nd AD was standing with me. I said calmly to the actor “like you, I’ve worked my ass off to be able produce movies like this. I will politely say to you, do not speak to me like that ever again. More importantly, are that far gone - have you bought your own press ? That you have to reduce a low paid dreamer to tears because he made a mistake. I said, we are making something great here. However, it’s my job to tell you, you can not speak to any member of the cast or crew in that manner again. Period. He called his agent - 9 hours time difference away - who began to tear into to me. I said “if you are calling to say anything other than I’m sorry, i have a movie to produce. Do you really feel entitled to be a miserable prick to someone who has only treated you with professionalism and civility.” I hung up. Does representing an angry actor in turn allow you TOO to be abusive. It does not. (I later got a rather large gift and letter from said agent). For too long our business has emboldened horrific behavior under two auspices: on the business side - you have the power and the money and we should all bow in your presence. On the filmmaking side - far too many actors, directors believe they are well within their rights to demean and demoralize under the guise of being ‘an artist.’ Yeah, that doesn’t fly with me. Outside of basic decency, i have worked with too many brilliant stars, executives, you name it - who DONT make every day worse than the next. It starts with not tolerating it. It starts with standing up for those who are green and have no protection agains the sheer ugliness. And, when you treat the people around you with decency, generosity, compassion - and you people who love coming to work.. for me, it shows up on the screen
Thank you for this: "If you want to have a better life, just stop being such an arrogant, selfish, ignorant asshole." I'm going to share this advice with my clients :-)
"Be kind. Be generous. Be compassionate". My mantra as I AD'd for 20 years. Did it make me a better AD? Hell yes. Did it help make the movies I was working on a little bit better? I like to think so. People skills 101. When people are being treated well (and I'm talking from PA's to Producers) they are more apt to go that extra mile, try a bit harder. The obvious outcome being a better film. Ive worked with many a director (just as an example) who's film could have been so much better if they had been "nice" to the crew...
Thank you SO MUCH for this, Ted! I'm a director/writer and for way too many years I was advised by many in this business to be more of a jerk, that my innate kindness and empathy would never get me anywhere. "It's a dog eat dog world in here" I was told, "and unless you are willing to backstab everyone in your way to get ahead, get out of the game." I spent years feeling like a loser for not being able to be that way. Even if the Jerk Era is yet to fully take a bow, reading this made me feel so seen! And gave me hope (no pun intended). I'm not wrong or crazy or a loser. Or if I am, at least I'm in good company. ;) Thank you, thank you!
Is it enough to retreat into random acts of kindness? (yes, that is a rhetorical question) Great call to action for any/those of us potentially drifting off into more passive postures.
"It’s a virtuous cycle." Truer words never written as the laws of attraction are, in my experience, quite true. Now laws can be bent or even broken so be mindful but the material follows the spiritual, never the other way around. Enjoy your Tuesday folks! P.S. Have a piece of cake for goodness sakes while you are at it.
We have accepted the notion of niceness goes out the door when doing business for centuries. Being nice and kind requires enormous spiritual strength, especially around corporate psychopaths. Also crucial: telling bad people to stop it!
For me, the organizing principle has been recognizing that scarcity is (for the most part) an artificial construct. And this eliminated any sense of competition. No sense in fighting when there's plenty.
And I think the world is better when there's more diverse voices speaking about the same topic. It's the solution to the GHOST IN THE SHELL (1995) line "Overspecialize and your breed in weakness. It's the slow death."
Nice people don't necessarily make great films or even good films. They may even make bad films. Yes, making a good film is an art. Although I am not necessarily a great artist, I make films, because I am not trying to make a great film or even a very artistic film. I am making important films, for today and for tomorrow. If I were not making these kinds of films and inspiring others to make similar films, there might not be a tomorrow.
It's nice to be nice, granted. But how do you deal with the inevitable souls who will recognize your propensity to be nice and selfishly take advantage of it, knowing you'll be nice about it and have to let them? I've been taken advantage of far too often because of my inclinations to do what's right, even though I know it won't be fully appreciated or acknowledged. I try to mitigate it, and only do what has to be done when I know I'm dealing with such a sort, but, it is still a quandary that I don't see ending any time soon. It's just not nice.
Excellent point -- and I look forward to writing about that! Thanks Christropher.
Ted - please keep going. And, this needs to be a podcast. I can say this out loud ... I have worked at places where I sincerely talk about the team and bringing the best out in each other. As someone who was a first time grip, parking PA, runner, office PA, assistant to multiple different kinds of people. I keep saying - maybe I’m naive and my quixotic self - there is “the business” and there is “making movies.” To me, they should be looked at separately. I have shouted down by directors producers actors reps - because I called them out for their blatant mistreatment, abusive, entitled venting on someone who just wants to see a camera roll. One day, as we all do, assistants of all kinds make mistakes. On an unmentioned movie, I PA - driver was picking up a very cantankerous actor. The driver was terribly nervous, made a wrong turn, and the last 20 mins of the drive was the actor screaming calling this young man an “incompetent asshole who better never speak to him again.” This guy - tall, strong - came to me in tears and handed me the badge that gave him access to the set. He said “I don’t deserve to work on this film. I made an actor very angry. It is inexcusable and I expect to be fired.” I handed him back his badge and said “Unless you’re quitting, take a deep breath, and let’s get back to making a movie.” He was shocked . I’m not fired? I hugged him and said - you made a mistake. You didn’t oversleep. You weren’t careless. And, this entitled jerk feels he’s “someone” because hes a known actor. Bullshit. I told the guy, I would be very upset if he let our whole crew down by leaving us. It was then time to check in on the actor - who decided to dress me down and tell me to learn how to hire competent people. Part of his rant, I could not understand because he was screaming and spitting with rage. The 2nd AD was standing with me. I said calmly to the actor “like you, I’ve worked my ass off to be able produce movies like this. I will politely say to you, do not speak to me like that ever again. More importantly, are that far gone - have you bought your own press ? That you have to reduce a low paid dreamer to tears because he made a mistake. I said, we are making something great here. However, it’s my job to tell you, you can not speak to any member of the cast or crew in that manner again. Period. He called his agent - 9 hours time difference away - who began to tear into to me. I said “if you are calling to say anything other than I’m sorry, i have a movie to produce. Do you really feel entitled to be a miserable prick to someone who has only treated you with professionalism and civility.” I hung up. Does representing an angry actor in turn allow you TOO to be abusive. It does not. (I later got a rather large gift and letter from said agent). For too long our business has emboldened horrific behavior under two auspices: on the business side - you have the power and the money and we should all bow in your presence. On the filmmaking side - far too many actors, directors believe they are well within their rights to demean and demoralize under the guise of being ‘an artist.’ Yeah, that doesn’t fly with me. Outside of basic decency, i have worked with too many brilliant stars, executives, you name it - who DONT make every day worse than the next. It starts with not tolerating it. It starts with standing up for those who are green and have no protection agains the sheer ugliness. And, when you treat the people around you with decency, generosity, compassion - and you people who love coming to work.. for me, it shows up on the screen
Husker Du - “New Day Rising” SST Records, an Independent release, 1985
https://youtu.be/-hRCwByLb-E
Love is the Answer, Dreams are for Dreamers
Thank you for this: "If you want to have a better life, just stop being such an arrogant, selfish, ignorant asshole." I'm going to share this advice with my clients :-)
"Be kind. Be generous. Be compassionate". My mantra as I AD'd for 20 years. Did it make me a better AD? Hell yes. Did it help make the movies I was working on a little bit better? I like to think so. People skills 101. When people are being treated well (and I'm talking from PA's to Producers) they are more apt to go that extra mile, try a bit harder. The obvious outcome being a better film. Ive worked with many a director (just as an example) who's film could have been so much better if they had been "nice" to the crew...
Great work. Looking forward to part two.
Thank you SO MUCH for this, Ted! I'm a director/writer and for way too many years I was advised by many in this business to be more of a jerk, that my innate kindness and empathy would never get me anywhere. "It's a dog eat dog world in here" I was told, "and unless you are willing to backstab everyone in your way to get ahead, get out of the game." I spent years feeling like a loser for not being able to be that way. Even if the Jerk Era is yet to fully take a bow, reading this made me feel so seen! And gave me hope (no pun intended). I'm not wrong or crazy or a loser. Or if I am, at least I'm in good company. ;) Thank you, thank you!
Is it enough to retreat into random acts of kindness? (yes, that is a rhetorical question) Great call to action for any/those of us potentially drifting off into more passive postures.
Thank you Ted for your postive affarmations.
"It’s a virtuous cycle." Truer words never written as the laws of attraction are, in my experience, quite true. Now laws can be bent or even broken so be mindful but the material follows the spiritual, never the other way around. Enjoy your Tuesday folks! P.S. Have a piece of cake for goodness sakes while you are at it.
We have accepted the notion of niceness goes out the door when doing business for centuries. Being nice and kind requires enormous spiritual strength, especially around corporate psychopaths. Also crucial: telling bad people to stop it!
Yes! To all that.
For me, the organizing principle has been recognizing that scarcity is (for the most part) an artificial construct. And this eliminated any sense of competition. No sense in fighting when there's plenty.
And I think the world is better when there's more diverse voices speaking about the same topic. It's the solution to the GHOST IN THE SHELL (1995) line "Overspecialize and your breed in weakness. It's the slow death."
Beautiful and true. Not only a saver for our cynical industry but a real life saver and gamechanger for the person applying it. Thanks!
Here here!
Nice people don't necessarily make great films or even good films. They may even make bad films. Yes, making a good film is an art. Although I am not necessarily a great artist, I make films, because I am not trying to make a great film or even a very artistic film. I am making important films, for today and for tomorrow. If I were not making these kinds of films and inspiring others to make similar films, there might not be a tomorrow.