Why? Why continue? Why do this?
A visit to Cannes sparks another existential quandary -- this time with both the newsletter and the cinema industry itself. What else is new?
I recently reached another “first”…
Since launching this newsletter about three and a half years ago, I have always had future posts written well in advance. When I started writing this post, for the first time since I started the newsletter, I did not have any prepared. Zero. I had no cushion. I had “collections”. I had some “curation”. And I have a ton of drafts. But I didn’t have something original that I had penned myself to post for next regular slot. Recognize that at times I had as many as twenty posts written in advance — so this is truly something completely different. And it is a wee bit disconcerting for me.
On the plus side, hitting such a juncture gives me a chance to contemplate. Of course though, as soon as I started to do such reflection, I stumbled on something I had left unfinished that I wanted to complete. Actually, in this case, it was two such posts. Or was that I stumbled upon something two times? I started one and then before I could finish that, I stumbled on to another and finished that one first instead. Welcome to my world. There’s always a lot to think about, to write about, to share — whether or not others care about it as much as I do. I wonder if I will get used to that?
So as opposed to contemplating where I was or what might come next, I jumped into some thoughts that had once… some time ago… possessed me, and let that possession take hold of me again. I like that feeling, that action, that phenomenon. The joy of returning to the familiar. But I also see it as a bit of rut. The place where perhaps we get stuck.
The hardest thing I find about writing is the flood of ideas I feel once I start the process. They generally are not all on theme, but I don’t want to abandon them either; and in the effort to capture them though, I often abandon what got me going in the first place.
And that, my friends, is why I have 700+ drafts of HopeForFilm substack posts. Seriously, that is what my World of Stack looks like. 700+ things quietly waiting to be finished, released, or fully abandoned. The nice thing of that predicament is that I know I have a reserve of relatively barely yet probed ideas I can use to further stimulate myself if in fact I encounter a drought. It is a beckoning warm bed, gently always fluffing the pillows. Ted, Ted, Ted… it calls me.
You may have gathered that I am not one for boredom and have a hard time recollecting when I ever was actually bored, at least after the age of ten or so. I had that moment way back when that I determined I was 100% opposed to boredom, and woud do whatever was necessary to forever avoid such terrain. That’s how I found this place that I now call home. The world of 700+ unfinished posts, but yet no collection of fully penned posts to publish. At least not today.
Why do we do the things we do?
Perhaps that is my favorite path of inquiry. It is definitely one of them. Why do we do it? Having given three and a half years to this newsletter experiment, perhaps I need to dig a little deeper into the reasoning behind this activity too.
Why devote a newsletter to the cinema ecosystem, the creative practice of cinemaking, and the community that inhabits it? And should it really be exclusively so focused? Should I expand it? Transform it? Or maybe I should abandon it? Or begin again?
For me, the answer grows essentially from the recognition of all that could come from spreading the gospel that there is a film culture and industry outside of the corporate world that dominates us and that outside cinema culture is profoundly worth exploring. A world that recognizes the joys of such a culture — let alone maybe supports it — is the world that I want. Yes, the world I want also includes many other things too, but frankly very few things make me as satisfied as excellent cinema. And to that degree, reaching all that are aligned or curious with such culture is important to me. The more that partake in it, the greater potential for this culture and the business around it to keep improving. I’d like that.
So coming to Cannes — where I have been for over a week — first ignites a thrill that cinema is glorious thing that many celebrate. But within the bustle of excitement and pageantry, I glimpse demons. Even villains. What are the tells? A friend recently pointed out that statistically speaking, we all know a rapist and multiple victims. Somehow it feels like somethings even more vile must reside in our industry… and now I am starting to feel ill just thinking about it. My apologies.
The weather is beautiful and I am near the sea and can glimpse the mountains, but how have we allowed this to be our world?
Being in Cannes I can’t help but wonder why haven’t we improved our film business more significantly than we have in the years I have been it. Yes, I thought we were going to do that in the early days of streaming, but I was wrong. Dead wrong, right? And I know there are 100 things we can do to make it better, but even here, no one wants to speak about it. The fact we know these things is far more valuable than if I could fund your film. But the Ted that could fund your film is the one they would prefer to be here, than the one that could help make it all better. Sad, sad, sad. But buckup buttercup! Right? Right.
Onwards. Look at all that has been done, Ted. The list is long (this link is longer than what is shown here… and it is not The List… but it does give you an idea of what I want)
